Example of Business Message
From Planning to Writing
At this stage of the process, the purpose and organization of your message is already decided. Now you need to craft the words and phrasing for each part of the message.
Whichever outline you’ve started with, it can seamlessly morph into a first draft simply by choosing an area to attack. Start fleshing it out with full sentences, complete thoughts, and relevant sources.
The format for the communication matters. Letter formats and layout are discussed at the end of this module.
Before examining types of messages, there are skills to have in hand.
Long Informative Messages
While long informative messages can be delivered through a variety of mediums, they will typically hit the same beats regardless of the delivery method. As with all business messages, it’s important to keep concision in mind. While there certainly are more complex messages that require longer communications, remember to stay focused and only provide the information your audience needs.
The Message
This example is an email message providing a sales team with suggested verbiage for mass messaging to partners and retailers.
To: Rize Outreach Team
CC: Rize Executive Team
Subject: Happy New Year from Rize Fitness
From: Regina Black
Hello Team,
The following is the standard messaging for our long-term partners and coaches about our work in the past year. Please feel free to customize this message based on your knowledge of the gyms within your regions. Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns. Here’s to a great year!
As we begin the new year, I can’t help but reflect and acknowledge it’s an exciting time to be working in fitness.
Reviewing what we accomplished last year collectively across all of our gyms and our partners’ gyms, we’re proud to announce that we finished 2017 with record-smashing enrollment figures: 230,000 members across 48 gyms during 2017! We’re on track for even faster growth in 2018, with at least three new gyms opening next year.
But memberships and new locations are just part of the story. In the end, those figures are only meaningful if we are also improving our members’ lives. In 2017 we saw important progress in measurably improving not only our members’ physical health, but improving their mindsets about healthy lifestyles by introducing our new “Healthy Life Healthy You” classes.
As 2018 rolls forward, I feel it’s important to be deliberate about the commitments Rize is making to you, as well as the change Rize exists to create for its members. We commit to make fitness achievable and rewarding for all individuals, regardless of their particular goals or needs.
In 2018 and beyond, Rize is growing in ways that expand our collective impact. I invite you to read my recent blog post[1] highlighting some of our recent findings and success stories that confirm we’re on a promising path.
Thank you, on behalf of the full Rize team, for your partnership and support. I’d love to hear your thoughts and feedback about the blog post, and your own reflections about your goals and challenges in our work together. Please reach out.
Best,
Regina
The situational context of a message is key to its success. Some messages will be targeted for internal employees with a specific call to action to use the text provided to expand a marketing effort. Others work as a means of communicating with customers and would-be customers to rebut apparent negative comments from competitors. Others may bring an array of products and services together conceptually for greater understanding for the targeted audience. Still others will deliver lengthy product feature details in a casual, friendly and unassuming manner.
Short Informative Messages
If the situation requires a more formal approach for your message, sending an email is usually more appropriate. In this example, the communication is being sent to a company executive from a subordinate.
To: Dave McCann
CC:
Subject: Change Of Plans (the customer wants to meet before lunch tomorrow)
From: Jon Parks
Good morning Dave,
Our contact just sent me a message requesting that we meet in their lobby at 11:00 am instead of meeting for lunch at 12. Will that work for your schedule?
Thank you,
Jon
Jon Parks
Senior Account Manager
Code Software
